My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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