It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
