i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
