I wish I could punch you in the face.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Randomize
