I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
