I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize