What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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