You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
