we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
