After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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