i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
