matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
