The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
