Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize