my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
