I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize