She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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