Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
