It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
