Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do herpes really smell.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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