At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
