dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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