a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
