just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
