i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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