you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
