I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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