I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
