Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
