Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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