I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
