Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
