I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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