she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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