You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
