he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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