Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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