I just saw a hot homeless man
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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