If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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