...so i touched it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize