Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
