It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I love you.
Bad choice
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
