Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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