Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
