CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
