You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
