So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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