I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
