HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That accounts for only three of the penises
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
