you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
