We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
