My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
