benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
