no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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