Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
