i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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