my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
