I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
