Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
