I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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