just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
