you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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