please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
