So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
