ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
zippers are such a cool invention
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
