We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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