In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
