Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
